I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
