I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
