I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
