Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
