I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
