Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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