I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
