summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
it hurts more in the daytime
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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