I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
