so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
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