So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
