My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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