Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
