i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
