For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
