i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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