you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
