You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
i now understand why vodka
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
