I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
handjob tips. give me some.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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