Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
