its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
