He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
