i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize