if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
