Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
