I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
