Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
