idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
