i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
When did angry sex become our thing?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
you never un-have a 4some
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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