I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
