Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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