I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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