Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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