Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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