One girl and one boy is just not enough.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
