what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
