Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
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