i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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