Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
