I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
