how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
