I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
