She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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