New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
