Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
