Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
