P.S. I can't hear my feet
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
