The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
