Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
