It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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