# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize