u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
