I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
i think i just lost a toe
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
