its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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