Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
