My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
