bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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