oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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