I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
