her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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