He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
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