I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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