Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
