I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
