Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Can you bring me the toilet please
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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