you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Randomize
