Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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