I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
