you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
