she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
