My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
