I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize