I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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