your thong is hanging out like whoa
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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