after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
