Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
