Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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