I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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